posted by on Emmy's Style

32 comments

I bet some of you guys are stilling nursing sore heads as a result of over indulgence during the Nigerian independence and Eid long weekend of celebration. First and foremost I must commence this article by offering my unreserved apology to my readers who might be disappointed, and rightly so, for my decision not to go with the usual winners and losers where an array of Nigerian celebrity serial style offenders are critiqued while the ones that set their best fashion foot forward are recognised and showered with accolades. I must say that the latter (the celebrities who set their best fashion foot forward) are becoming few and far between as the days go by. In fact, they have all but become an endangered species to the extent that any time I bump into one or an image of one is forwarded to me, I get this sudden urge to literally kiss their feet. I would rather spend my time penning articles about folks with authentic style than about ones with a dodgy/raggedy sense of style.

I bet not a few of you would be scratching your heads while a sizeable number would be pulling their mammy-water weaves wondering why the usual Monday dish of winners and losers won`t be presented in whatever plate, gold or wood today. Well, the reason is that there has been one and the same ultimate winner and loser and I would want us to focus on this individual as the story therein is not this individual`s story but a Nigerian story which we must all endeavour to learn from. At this juncture I bet some are already thinking, “Emmy, get on with it, quit mocking about, mate.” So I’m gonna delve right into the koko of this week`s winners and losers without much ado. Here it goes, ndi banyi: Continue reading “Winners and losers….Linda-Gate,Linda Ikeji,Plagiarism,Nigerian lesson et al” »

posted by on Emmy's Style

6 comments

Some months back my fashion CCTV was drawn to a certain preteen that goes by the name of Mateo Alonso. However after perusing through his adult-like extremely stylish images, I made a mental note to mention it on this platform but it escaped my mind as a lot of important style updates have happened recently.

After my initial introduction to Mateo Alonso, he was totally wiped off my mind till a reader reintroduced him to me yesterday, and then I decided I had to quickly put something together about this 6yr old with a stylist mum and rich dad who have captivated the entire fashion world with his style. Of course the fact that his mum is an awesome stylist that has various fashion related gigs, especially one with Harper Bazaar, and dad not being short of a bob or two has not hurt Mateo`s sense of style and the wherewithal to purchase fashion items of choice.

On the other hand, I believe they might wanna tone things down a bit without eroding his passion for fashion as this might end up being his bread and butter at a later stage of his life. My apologies for not doing an in-depth article on this chap but if I wait too long it might escape my mind once more. Please google or check him out on instagram (yes,he has become an instagram sensation), if you have a desire to know more about him.

Continue reading “This kid,Mateo Alonso has been touted as the most stylish 6yr old the world has seen” »

posted by on Emmy's Style

13 comments

Here’s the scenario I boarded a flight to abuja from Port harcourt. image I  somehow made it to my seat after navigating my way  through the sea of small bags, protruding stomachs,a pissed off pregnant lady and the opened armpits of people placing stuff in the over head compartments. I hate flying by the way, call it acrophobia,aviophobia, or simply Village-Man-Syndrome .Planes terrify me.Some how, the notion of  being inside a large metallic object thousands of feet above the ground isn’t very comforting.All the Re-assurances of modern Science and Technology haven’t seemed to help either.Planes scare me.Enough said. Anyway there I was on my  seat(as far away from the window as possible), dreading the next hour or so.Passengers were still settling in. On the flipside, I thought to myself, the seat next to me was still vacant which meant there was a possibility  (how ever remote) that some attractive  young female could end up sitting next to me (it was a long shot I know, but what’s life without hope?) Anyway, that didn’t happen. The seat next to me was taken by a large Potbellied man that faintly smelled like a room that had been closed for days after a small family of rodents had died  inside it. Anyway, 5 minutes into the flight (after my heart rate had come down to a slightly manageable pace and after I’d confessed my sins to Jesus again and again). I thought of starting up a conversation with Mr Potbelly! He wasn’t a young attractive woman but at least he’d be a much needed  distraction from the turbulence of the flight. “Juice sir,? Came the voice of a very pretty  female flight attendant. I looked up at her. She had a smile  that was like sun light and she had a very nice body. She was pushing one of those weirdly nice looking inflight food trays. I saw her and wished she were the passenger seated next to me.She was really pretty (sigh). Anyway,I was still staring at her when the Mr Potbelly spoke into the side of my face. “She’s talking to you” His voice was deeply husky (bear like even), but the foul stench and  strangely hot  radio-active breath that followed was unbelievable Continue reading “PLANES AND BAD BREATH BY Opus Krukubo” »

posted by on Interesting People

20 comments

I`m quite selective about the events I attend nowadays; however when I received an invite for the launch of a bag line by Zashadu, I did a bit of digging around and finally arrived at the conclusion that it was definitely worth my while, and I was spot on. I was sort of fashionably late- ok that was me telling fibs right there. In fact I got there when everyone had already departed as I was held up on the mainland while the event occurred on the Island at Wheatbaker Hotel, Ikoyi.

Despite my late arrival, I met four VERY interestingly original folks including the designer, Zainab. As far as I’m concerned if I meet four new interesting faces at one event, that qualifies as a top notch event in my book so I give the organisers, especially the designer, thumbs up. Amongst these interesting folks was a certain lady called Nkechi Bakare. For some reason I reckoned her name was quite fascinating. I loved the mixture of Igbo and Yoruba and upon enquiry she disclosed that her parents were from different tribal backgrounds.

What actually necessitated this write-up was the project Nkechi is presently passionately pushing. As you guys already know, refreshing concepts absolutely resonate with me hence my curiosity was piqued when Nkechi let slip the fact that she ran a dating agency with her business partner. In as much as we might not want to grapple with it, there is no questioning the fact that a good number of folks work so hard that by the time they get home, the last thing on their tired and numbed minds is socialising, thereby negatively affecting their ability to meet the right spouses. Of course, dating agencies have been in existence in the west for as long as I can remember but I must confess that I had never heard of its existence in Nigeria hence my decision to introduce it to you, my discerning readers.

According to Nkechi, “Caramel & Chocolate Concepts is a full service dating and matchmaking agency that connects singles looking for true love. The company was co-founded January 2014 by Busola Ogunnaike and Nkechi Bakare.

We currently host intimate speed dating events every few months. During our speed dating parties, guests enjoy cocktails and get the chance to meet new people in a great atmosphere. We also provide custom designed dating services for those who want to enhance their dating experiences.

We understand that the search for the right one can be a challenge, as time goes on meeting and connecting gets harder because of career progression as well as limited avenues to meet potential partners. Many people have gone about the traditional routes to no avail. We hope to provide a service that initiates and enables love to flourish.

For more information about Speed Dating as well as our other dating services, please email us at: caramelandchocolateconcepts@gmail.com

Find us on Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/caramelandchocolateconcepts

And Instagram @caramelandchocolateconcepts.”

For those who fall into the category of workaholics I strongly recommend that you give this a go. And oh, please be open minded about it.Thank me later, guys.*winks*.

Now the big one. I could literally hear some of you chaps saying “Emmy forget story, wetin happen to diarybyemmy.com last week and why were visitors being directed to a porn site of all places?” Well, with regards to the first question all I have to say is that we were hacked by bad belle people o. Why they decided to redirect the visits to a porn site is the question only the hackers can answer. Lol. Were they trying to say something about me or something? Hehehe. Naughty is the word that comes to mind when I think of whoever masterminded this joke. Did they actually believe this stunt would be able to stop me in my tracks? To those who didn`t find the porn sites particularly appealing, I do apologise and then to those who wished they had been redirected to more hardcore porn sites, I say “I`m glad you enjoyed it but you shouldn`t thank me but the hacker”. Yes, yes, some of you enjoyed it, non?hehehehehheh

UPDATE ON MY JAG AND HODGE AUTO SHOP

My jag has been packed but will be going  to another mechanic shortly as it came out of HODGE AUTO CENTRE ON 11/27 Ocean Bay Road, near Orchid Hotel worse than it was when it went in after ermmmm N110k had been expended.If this doesn`t qualify as mugging then I don`t know what will.This auto mechanic shop is officially the worst in Lagos and we will design and post that gong with their name on it. We did communicate for a while but the communication stalemated when they invited me over and I informed them that the car could not ply that horrible road again, and I couldn`t fork out N30k for a flatbed truck as that would amount to being screwed all over again (since they mark up the cost of the flatbed). In a normal clime they would have sent a flatbed at no cost to me but hey this is Nigeria. This is definitely far from being over, this I promise! I have nothing else to lose, have I? I`m not one to take stuff like this on the chin and move on as that amounts to enabling HODGE AUTO CENTRE and their ilk to continue on same path.We must not encourage fraudulent behaviours as this if we really desire to move ahead.

On a final note, it was our 54th independence anniversary and I’m gonna wish Nigeria a happy birthday, not because I believe there is much to be joyous about, but because I have heard that so much today that I have been overtaken by the bandwagon effect. Oh, in fairness to GEJ and his cronies, the quality of power supply at the moment  has improved greatly from what it used to be when he took the mantle of office. So I reckon that is definitely worth toasting with a few glasses of bubbly.Has power supply improved in your area as well?

Ok, on a VERY FINAL NOTE (yeah, I know I said “final” before), for once I did observe how effectual the Nigerian government on all levels could turn out to be whenever they put their minds to it during the Ebola issues that held the country terrified for a few weeks. The thought of Ebola might have chilled us to the bones, however I did snatch a positive end to it as a few women who couldn`t even buy attention from their spouses if they tried, suddenly received an overdose of attention from the same spouses who hitherto couldn`t be bothered with their spouses` emotional or sexual needs. I believe not a few umu nwanyi aka ladies could relate to this. Naija man no wan die, lol! Basically “outside match” was effectively nipped in the bud just like that.

Did you guys notice how both PDP and APC dovetailed on most issues regarding the means of eradicating Ebola from Nigeria? My hunch is that this progress wasn`t achieved due to love for country but selfishness. Why? Well, you don`t have to be Einstein nor do you deserve points for realising that they vividly understood  that if the egbe gas every Nigerian, including the high and mighty, could be contaminated hence the sudden desperation to employ all necessary state and federal resources to sort it out. Anyone that expects continuance of this positive attitude in governance must expect some heart wrenching disillusionment.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed.

Ekwusigo kwam!

Now, let’s proceed to that bit where we either shove folks to the winners or the losers corner.

Are you up for it?On your marks,setttttttt,goooooooo!

Ezinne Chinkata Zinkata Store Launch - Bellanaija - September 2014

Ezinne Chinkata Continue reading “Winners and losers week 41..Emma Nayra,Ezinne Chinkata,Sound Soultan,9ice,Omotola et al” »

posted by on Fashion Diary

13 comments

I hope someone finds this useful.

Whilst on vacation in Nigeria, Lagos precisely, in 2009 a friend was kind enough to offer me his guest house somewhere in Ikoyi.This beautiful guest house/flat consists of 2 bedrooms and a huge living room, so you can imagine that all sorts of alcohol consumption and debauchery occur here every weekend.

It was fun for a while till I took the flight to London after a marathon abuse of champagne the previous night. As the airplane ascended I began to gasp for breath to the extent that the pilot had to solicit for intervention from a doctor; unfortunately there was no doctor on the flight. At some point I thought, “ok,this it. I`m so gonna die in mid air”. Well, as luck would have it one of the air hostess asked if I had been bingeing on alcohol and when I confirmed that I had, she opined that the issue might have been as a result of that. Continue reading “Emmy`s personal Story….Would you prefer statin drug with your red meat,Sir/Mam?” »

posted by on Emmy's Style

54 comments

You guys are apparently oblivious of this but we have officially registered a new domain, www.stampoutmediocrity.com.Also I have been documenting my experiences in Nigeria (positive and negative) to be compiled into a memoir soon. The aim of the new site is to let this platform retain a life of its own separate from the name Emmy Collins which represents me and my fashion brand so shortly diarybyemmy.com will be renamed stampoutmediocrity.com .

I don`t know how many of you have ever listened to the man with the big hearty laugh, Chico on CClassicFM 97.3. I once jokingly told Chico that in these days that anything unique could be trademarked, he might wanna consider trade-marking his laugh. Yes,it is very original and as you guys know, I’m a sucker for anything original that doesn`t come off as contrived. Anyway, in as much as I would love to tease Chico every now and then so he could let out that laugh of his, this isn`t about his laugh but about VENTING. Chico simply flashed in my mind as soon as I penned the word “VENT” because he is an ardent believer in the right of folks to vent. In fact, he actually (I kid you guys not) devotes a section of his programme to folks who wish to vent against government officials (of course it is more often than not, against government officials since we as a people have mastered the art of never accepting any responsibility. The last time I checked it was called passing the buck. It is always everybody else’s fault but ours), house helps, motorists, LASTMA officials etc. I was once on Chico`s programme where I mentioned to him that my blog was actually designed for me to vent and also offer my readers the same opportunity he offers his listeners to vent as keeping it all in leads to implosion and one can`t have that.

I raged/vented last week so I crave your indulgence to engage in what I might describe as a follow-up rant as I underwent an experience that further cemented my conviction that negative mindsets must be attacked vigorously if we are to even move a few inches towards achieving our God given potential. Regardless of whatever, I still look upon this country as one of the most endowed nations in the world. Our problem is just that our individual gutter mindsets need to be re-channelled from negative to positive.

Today the subject of my rant is a certain Auto workshop based off Lekki Road near Orchid Hotel. From my perspective the Managing Director of this Auto repair shop has seamlessly, without being prompted, marshalled himself into my losers list this week. Here is my story and I swear by it:

Whilst I was staying at 1004 flats in VI, I bumped into another resident who owned a jag and enquired where he serviced his car as I had just shipped one from America. He recommended this Auto Shop. Less than a year later my American spec Jag which was the smoothest jag I ever drove and had just 23k miles on the clock suddenly developed all sorts of issues due to bad roads and water getting into the engine. When “high end” auto mechanics began quoting extortionate fees to get the issues fixed, I decided it might make more sense to just stick a new engine in so I parked the car and brought out the hyundai I’d bought for my showroom a while ago, and started using it as me I no send maga.I never let myself to get too attached to any material stuff or even people;it is too dangerous!I let go when I have to let go.

When the engine finally arrived into Nigeria from America, I decided I needed qualified hands to effect the job so this auto shop which had been recommended in the past came to mind instantly. I placed a call and popped in for a chat. Now, whilst enroute this auto shop (should I mention the name? Lol), I discovered that it had the most unmotorable road I have ever witnessed in Lagos and I swear I`m not making this up. I never fathomed that such roads existed off Lekki Expressway. Let`s just say that there is NO way on earth any vehicle- and this includes 4x4s- would traverse this ditch/mud infested road for a week without a visit to the mechanic.

First, I wondered why a supposedly upmarket auto shop would be located at such an awful location but then again it occurred to me that this might be a smart Igbo brother who recognised the awfulness of the road and decided to tap into it as he realised cars that plied that route daily would invariably need his services regularly. YES it is that nasty. Damn! We Igbos never let an money making opportunity slip by, do we? Igbo kwenu! Kwezue nu! Whoever called us the Jews of Nigeria was so spot on. Anyway, this road was so bad that a decision was made to put the car on a flatbed truck to the premises which cost N30k for less than a 2mile journey as against the 5k it would have cost if I had towed it. Now, guess who provided the flatbed? Yup, the auto repair shop. So the rip-off strategy commenced at this juncture; however I wasn`t perturbed as I had a sudden realization that I missed my car more than I ever accepted so I was ready to bend over backwards to get it fixed. They estimated the labour cost at N50k, I said ‘no problem,just get the car fixed.’ While the car was parked it had developed shock absorber problems as well so I bought four shock absorbers and negotiated for them to be fixed simultaneously with the engine at the N50K but they later disingenuously claimed that I never mentioned the shocks so I said how much? They said N16k, I said done!

An agreement was reached for me to purchase the servicing parts but before I got there with the parts I had purchased they informed me that they had used their parts to fix the engine so I said fine, then replace whatever you have used with the ones I purchased. Now, you guys would have thought that this would be a straight forward exchange, right? WRONG! Apparently one Igbo bros was intending to play another Igbo bros for a schmuck. They insisted I would have to pay for the parts they used at their own price which is usually marked up at about 2000% even though there had been an agreement reached by all parties that I should purchase these parts.

If you are wondering why they would refuse to accept the parts I bought even though they were of the highest quality as I would never purchase fake parts for my car, then quit wondering.The game is called “rip-off” remember? And this outfit was set-up for the purpose of ripping-off unsuspecting clients as that is the where the quick cash is. When I went through what they purchased with a fine toothed comb, a few of them were marked up by more than 2000%(yes,two freaking thousand percent) or thereabout.They even quoted 5 clips which I bought for N500 at N6000 or was it N8000? Now, do your maths as I’m not very good at maths except when I am counting money, lollllllll.

Well, to summarise this gist and move on to the fun bit, I was finally honoured with a meeting with the boss after an entire day of literally begging to be linked to this chap who was of course in some tiny office upstairs.I was indeed genuinely disappointed when I worked into this chap`s office as I reckoned if he feels that important he must have an office the size of my entire sitting room. I mean this is how important this guy thinks he is. I have never seen where the boss of an auto mechanic shop dresses like someone with a white collar job and feels too big to meet a customer who is about to drop about N110k except in Nigeria. Eventually, it was agreed that they would keep the 8 litre oil I bought but when it was time to pick up the car, I went over the bill again and discovered that they had slipped in 8k for 4 litres of oil this time instead of the initial 8.  I asked for an explanation since we’d already agreed that they would keep the oil I bought which they did keep by the way.The explanation I got was so stupid that it became even more stupid each time they tried to explain it, and  I began to entertain the feeling that these chaps must have somehow read the word “schmuck” scribbled all over my ugly face. I might not be very good in maths but I reckon I can tell that 8 – 8 equals zero so my 8 litres cancels out their 8 litres and we should be even, non? According to them 8 plus 4 equals 8.I call this “VOODOO” mathematics! Wow! Anyway, as you would imagine I refused to pay of course.

Honestly speaking, you guys would never have read about this Lagos experience of mine but for what happened after I picked up the car. I have drafted an email to this company as this incident could have led to my death if I was slightly less observant. As I`m penning this article I still wonder if these guys really would go this far, but the coincidences can`t be ignored hence my letter which I will be insisting on receiving a response to or I will make a case of attempted murder against these guys. I have my lawyer ready. Guys whatever you do, please get yourself a lawyer in Nigeria or you will be constantly messed with.Yes, the judicial system works to an extent in Nigeria albeit at a  snail’s pace. I have a lawyer and a great one at that who has became a close confidante over the years. My lawyer would never waste his time on a case unless he believed in it and I have always followed his advice.This isn`t a guy fixated on money but someone who wants justice to be done.

Yes, I understand that some company employees connive with mechanics to rip their employers off but the mechanics must understand that unless one has stolen public funds, one would be well advised to check his bill with a fine tooth comb and, if he comes across anything questionable, to demand for answers. It beggars belief that a chap who claimed to have lived in Leeds in the UK would reckon that it was okay to rob and disrespect his clients in this manner; and when they resisted, sabotaged their car as I strongly believe someone from the auto shop might have sabotaged my car. Why????? Even if it was negligence then it is equally troublesome that a client would spend N110k at a garage and the nuts of his car would not be tightened. A trainee mechanic would never make such a mistake. I proceeded to Smooth FM after I picked up my car and had dinner with a couple of friends at Bogobiri and they would attest to how shaken I was that someone would even entertain the notion of sabotaging my car simply because I didn`t cough out money as they wished.

It beats me as to why folks relocate to Nigeria and then suddenly adapt their behaviour sharp sharp to the prevalent one they meet. I was under the impression that you don`t adapt to bad behaviour, you try to change it .What people wouldn`t even think of doing in the west are stuff they are most comfortable doing here because no one bothers to hold them accountable.

And oh, did I mention that I needed a battery to drive my car away and return it the next day even though my old engine was yet to be picked up so there was no way I could have disappeared with their battery which probably costs about 10k, and they refused because I refused to bend over for them to screw me over. While I was in the car making calls to be picked up, the staff were sliding the curtains open to peep at me and then smile mockingly. I felt miserably bad but NOT for myself but for my country. HOW DID WE GET HERE? HONESTY USED TO MEAN SOMETHING AROUND HERE!

Thieves really hate it in Nigeria when you confront them with facts and that was what happened here.

This gist gets worse but you will have to wait for my book to read about the name of the auto shop and its boss as this chap is such an interesting guy who deserves a few pages of my book to be dedicated to him. The ego of this guy has no bounds. At some point I wanted to say: “guy, you are an auto mechanic, you didn`t invent the Ebola vaccine so come off your high horse,loll”.

Find below, the email I just forwarded to this auto shop.

Hi Ekun,

I hope this email meets you in great spirits.

This email is for your boss and I would appreciate if you forwarded it to him as I would be sending a courier with the copy shortly.

Dear MD Hodge Auto, 
As I got on to the Lekki Express way after picking up my car I heard a disturbing noise emanating from my car while the steering wheel became wobbly, so I pulled over at a petrol station to inspect the tyres and ensure that they had enough air in them. Afterwards, I drove on again hoping that the noise would subside but it increased so I managed to drive slowly towards the Lekki toll-gate where I pulled over yet again. It was this juncture that I discovered to my chagrin that despite the steep fee I paid, your mechanics didn`t do the BASICS and tighten the wheel nuts of the car to the extent that the wheels had almost fallen off by the time I pulled over a few meters before the toll-gate. I tightened the wheel nuts personally but I was shaken when I got to Bogobiri on Maitama Sule,Victoria Island where I had a meeting with a couple friends. Those friends can testify to my state of mind through-out this meeting as I was wondering whether what occurred was intentional or just an act of negligence considering that you and your staff were very unhappy that I had the audacity to complain about items on my bill, and the fact that your mechanics went into my car without either covering the floor or the leather seats thereby staining them. Also, you missed more than three delivery dates and you staff refused to send emails confirming any delivery dates given to me even though you had strongly emphasised that any agreement that wasn`t put into writing didn`t exist. I have texts and emails requesting for such email confirmations to be sent which your staff disrespectfully ignored. I wish you to kindly respond to this email and inform me of what happened to my wheel nuts yesterday as I`m busy writing a book at the moment and I reckon it will be fair to include your own account of what exactly occurred yesterday. I promise to inculcate your account, exactly as you put it in your email, in the book so the readers would interpret the situation by themselves. I could forward the telephone numbers of three people I met with yesterday. In fact, one of them is a popular radio presenter on Smooth FM. I forgot to mention that I was at Smooth FM as well and did discuss this situation. Would you also ask the mechanic if they took off the Jaguar emblem from the bonnet of my car? Please, before you respond, or if you respond, I need you to put into consideration the fact that I was close to losing my life yesterday as anything could have happened, including my demise, if I had taken that car onto the third mainland bridge yesterday as I originally intended and was cruising at 120km an hour. There is obviously no doubt in my mind that the level of service and customer relationship I experienced from you could have been gotten from Tunde, a roadside mechanic I used to know for less than 10,000 (ten thousand) naira. I feel sad about this ,very sad! 
Kind Regards,
Emeka Collins.

PS. This email will be published in my blog www.diarybyemmycollins.com which has a huge readership next week. Of course your company`s name will not be mentioned as I honestly believe that the level of mediocre service I have just been offered after coughing out about N110,000.00 (one hundred and ten thousand naira) just for you to tow my car from a distance of about 2 Kilometres to your garage and then stick a new engine in it isn`t something peculiar to your establishment, but a problem that envelops the entire nation and can`t be solved unless we discuss. To say that I feel totally defrauded at the moment is simply putting it in the mildest form ever. 

 

Emmy_Logo_LONDON

Continue reading “Winners and losers week 39..emmycollinsshop.com,Clarion Chukwura,Dolapo Oni,Pastor Oritsejafor,DJ Cuppy et al” »

posted by on Emmy's Style

9 comments

 

america

This article ISN`T written by Emmy

Yesterday I heard the silliest thing ever which partly left me in stitches and partly made me really sad. Ebola virus disease has come to portharcourt (I guess we all already know that) and it has come with it a kind of fear that has enveloped the city and the people dwelling therein. So just last week some of my colleagues and I were chatting up about the outbreak, sharing information we had each gathered as well as latest updates on figures when somebody said “the whole Ebola business in Nigeria smacks of bio terrorism”. I asked him what he was talking about and he went on to explain that Patrick Sawyer and his trip to Nigeria smells fishy, that there is more to it than meets the eye. I indulged him and asked him to explain further to let me get a feel of what he was saying and he elaborated that since Patrick Sawyer is an American citizen, he believes that the American government sent him specifically to Nigeria to infect us all. Continue reading “The American Conspiracy Theory by Fabulous Guy” »

posted by on Interesting People

27 comments

You guys probably heard of the ‘Emmy Collins Style Weekend’ which was
successfully held at Miliki Private Members Club on Etim Inyang last April,
but what you are obviously unaware of is the fact that I had to drastically
scale my plans down as a result of what I consider to be the Nigerian
factor.

Now, this is the gist or shall I say the koko of the matter: Months before
I had been approached by a certain individual whom, prior to this period, I
had considered to have very negative energy about her for certain reasons.
She knew this hence she bent over backwards to convince me that she wasn`t
whom I reckoned her to be. Anyway, the deal was that she would introduce me
to a company that represents an Italian beverage company which was
desperate to launch it`s brand officially in Nigeria in collaboration with
a fashion label that doesn`t compromise on quality. She believed my brand,
Emmy Collins London fit the profile of what this brand was after hence she
contacted me.

In order not to bore you guys, I`m gonna skip a huge chunk of this gist and
proceed to when the deal was agreed upon after a few disagreements
regarding the amount of sponsorship they would provide as principal
sponsors. We arrived at N11m. This was slightly less than what I needed to
pull off the type of show that I believed folks who generate sponsorship
that is well over a hundred millions could not touch. I believed I could
pull this off because I wasn`t looking for a show with 1000 guests or a show
that would be advertised on the crappiest of blogs or one that would admit
anyone and everyone who could afford to purchase a ticket. This show was
gonna be exclusive with just about 150-200 guests. This number would
comprise savvy discerning individuals whom one rarely ever saw on your
blogs. Most of them don`t even bother with blog gossip about who is
shagging whom, who bought which car or designer item as they get their news
from newspapers. No, they are too busy to troll the internet. I already had
in my head a PR company which would be mandated to collaborate with me
towards achieving this. This PR must sign on to getting at least 70% of
folks in my list through the door to the event or there would be no deal.

Anyway moving further, after this deal was agreed on, the lady in question
called for a meeting with her contact person from the marketing company
that was spearheading this deal on behalf of the beverage company.I knew
she wanted to discuss her remuneration as the agent that initiated the deal
and that wasn`t an issue with me after all anya fulu deal nwelu share. At
the meeting a 10% fee or 1.1m was agreed on but what totally shocked me was
that they had a lot more in mind than the 10%. They wanted to mandate me to
use a certain model agency alone even though I would rather eat worms than
have 98% of models from this agency be seen within a 10-mile radius of my
pieces not to talk about their being decked up in them. I politely
explained to them that I would have an open casting and promised to use the
best they have which in my honest opinion is just about two models. They
even went further to demand an estimate of how much this show would cost.In
their WARPED calculations, the show would cost about N4m(the venue alone
was already asking for N2m) and the rest of the funds would be split three
ways amongst the three of us. Basically, I was expected to agree to
organise the cheapest show with the most raggedy models thinkable so that
someone would stuff his or her bank account.

I believe it would be fraudulent to deviate from the proposal which I had
already presented to the representatives of the Italian beverage company at
the meeting held with them at the marketing company`s office at Shonibare
Estate, Ikeja so I resisted this attempt to devalue my brand and dupe a
company that genuinely wished to promote art in the process. The result of
this refusal was that I started hearing stories when it was time for the
funds to be transferred to our account and eventually they pulled the plug
on the deal. Of course the MD of the marketing company would be unaware of
what had transpired between a member of his staff, myself and the lady that
linked us together, at least that is what I still believe, however his
position will be evident soon enough.

What this has cost me was that a certain bank that was very interested in
future collaborations with my brand,Emmy Collins London, and had come in as
part sponsors to this show simply to see what quality of show I could pull
off before they could sign on to future collaboration with me, was highly
disappointed when I informed them that I was scaling down from a show that
was supposed to hold at Wheatbaker Hotel, Ikoyi or Porsche Centre on Akin
Adesola to a show that would be held at Miliki. And just as an exhibition
and not a show anymore as the funds were no longer available. Don`t get me
wrong, Miliki is a *VERY* decent location to have events and I totally
recommend it. I was very pleased and proud of what we pulled off in
collaboration with Miliki and my PR agency, Loft PR but the point is, my
original plan was a show with quality European based models fused with
local ones and with a runway. The part sponsors were so unimpressed with my
excuses that none of their staff bothered to show up for the event and they
have been very reluctant to proceed with the gigs that I had proposed to
them. At some point I was informed in confidence by an insider that they
considered asking for the funds already advanced to my brand back due to
the sudden change.

I have had a discussion with my attorney and have been adequately informed
that this deal was sealed the moment the marketing company forwarded an
email with their final offer and I accepted. So as far as we are concerned
a deal has been signed and the onus is upon them to fulfil their own end of
the deal or we will get a judge to interpret the situation. I have put them
on notice but as always they NEVER get it till you sue and I will sue
someone`s behind with a huge grin on my ugly face!

In a nutshell, I wish to opine that this is the major reason we are
bedevilled with the level of mediocrity that exists in Nigeria today
because the folks that really wish to notch standard up are never left to
achieve their aims due to the nefarious and gluttonous acts of folks such
as the ones I have just had the misfortune of dealing with.

Now I understand what Fashola`s position is a lot better than I did
previously as I heard that certain interests would never allow him to carry
out reforms that would improve the lot of Lagosians. He was once almost
impeached by these powerful interests during his first term in office if
you guys would remember, and the news on the grapevine has it that these
powerful interests would scuttle any move by Fashola to go federal ie vie
for the Vice presidential candidate of APC.

This country has no hope of moving forward unless gluttonous folks such as
the ones I have mentioned above are tackled aggressively.

Again, I will definitely be suing someone`s ass unless we can arrive at a
compromise or my attorney whom I will be having a second meeting with
advises another way out of this situation. Ndi ara! This is so on!

When we sue, I will mention names and ensure that the right blogs and news
media carry the news because we can`t have this if we need this country to
improve on the quality of service delivery. Imagine collecting N11M and
delivering N4M service. They didn`t even have the courtesy of recommending
that three-quarters of the total sum be expended. If this isn`t greed at
it`s peak then I don`t know anything any more!

This is so on!

Again, no mind my rant o. I was simply calling attention to the reasons why
Nigeria isn`t moving forward and will never progress unless mindsets such
as the ones described above are utterly destroyed.

Now,let do some critiquing.

 

pop up store 1 Continue reading “Winners and losers week 38….Seyi Shay,Stacy Nwapa,Duro Olowu,Rita Dominic,Omotola,Dakore,Mo Abudu`s 50th et al” »

posted by on Interesting People

36 comments

.More often than not on this platform I harp on stuff that makes me wanna hide my Nigerian passport, throw my hands up and claim to have originated from Somali, Ethiopia (with a bit of curly hair I could pass for an Ethiopian anyway) or even Timbuktu,Mali instead of Nigeria. However, today I`m gonna try to balance things up a bit by commencing this piece with a few creative minded folks that are really putting smiles on my ugly face presently to some extent. Please mind that the operative word here is “presently” as I will go in hard on these folks any time they deviate. I no send maga!
On top of this list is Davido, dude is on fire! He is on a roll; everything he touches turns to gold, while on the other hand anything remotely musical D`Banj touches turns to dust. Oopsy, I was gonna talk about stuff that portrays the best of the Nigerian creative industry but then I couldn`t resist taking a “lickle” dig at the koko master as “bother” his tune, suddenly came up on TV and boy did it leave a horrible taste in my mouth, yuk.If you guys listen to that song you might shoot yourselves; and if he says “I`m D`Banj” one more time I`m gonna really really hurt someone!In fact the video clip should be accompanied by a warning that says “listen at your own risk.We will not be responsible to any damage caused to listeners mental state”
Please accept my heartfelt apologies for the digression from the best to the worst of the Naija creative industry. Ok, back to Davido, I bumped into the “shoki” remix featuring Davido, Olamide and Lil Kesh a few days ago and it was so hilariously fun to watch; yes, these young bloods are beginning to offer me some hope. I witnessed plenty of energy in that video. It is quite refreshing to see that the pool party video popularised by Banky W and co has almost totally fizzled out, phewwwww.Olamide is another chap that is so hot right now. That “eleda mi” tune reminds of my first Yoruba girlfriend, Jokotade, back then at Ikeja. We dated till I left this country- I do wonder how she is faring now. Well, they threw so many owambe parties then that I was inspired to learn to dance to owambe tunes. I became very nostalgic when I heard the chorus of  eleda mi as it took me back to that phase in my life. I love “story for the gods” as well.I love Olamide for the simple reason that he came in with the notion of cutting a niche for himself and not hop on the bandwagon, and he has achieved that.

WizKid is another of my favourites, he even made me like a Nigerian song about money, and as you guys know I can`t stand it when Nigerians sing about money. Yes, I love “show you the money”. I have always said that certain people get away with murder and that was what Wizzy did here from where I stand. Again, I detest any artiste who sings about money as that translates to laziness. Also,my perspective on it is that you must put your surroundings into consideration and understand that most folks don`t have any pot to piss in so calm down with the money “thingy”. If you have money, good for you but the flaunting is a huge No NO for me.

Anyway,Wizzy also has a great style sense and switches it on when he chooses as this image below can attest to. He rarely turns out like this but I believe he has it and can switch it on or off as he chooses.

I listened to the interview with Olisa Adibua where he mentioned that this is his last  album with EME. I wouldn`t say I didn`t see that coming because he has outgrown EME and the record label must come to terms with that. I have always advocated against artistes dumping the record label that stood behind them through thick and thin the moment they make the cover of even a magazine based at Agbara,Shagamu or even Kotongora.When Brymo had his altercation with Chocolate City, I was on the side of Chocolate City and this was way before I even met the head honcho, the bearded man himself. My reasons then were:
(A) Even though Brymo is a bundle of talent (and he is as I have seen him perform live twice and twice he came out of it smelling like a bunch of roses), I didn`t think it was the right decision for his career- but then he knows his career more than I do.
(B) Even if he decided that he had to go, it should not have been a unilateral decision. Why? Because he had an ongoing CONTRACT which was duly signed by him.
In such instances one should have a chat with the record company and tell them the relationship isn`t working and then in Tontoh Dikeh`s English try one’s “almost best” to thrash out a deal that would favour both parties. Don`t disrespect all the efforts and dosh expended on you by running off to start your own label after climbing on the back of the record label to stardom. Fairness is the word here, people.

Back to WizKid, if there is any artist well packaged enough to go international, it is Wizzy. I like Davido right now but I believe Wizzy would fare better on the international scene than him and I don`t mean any disrespect. D`Banj deserves credit for venturing into the international scene but all the odds were stacked against him from the get go so there was no way he was gonna pull it off. My respect goes to Don Jazzy as well because he surveyed the scene and realised the “yo, whatsappppp” environment wasn`t for him and jejely withdrew. People must stay in their lanes. Remember, when you stay in your lane there is no traffic, non?

The mindset that Kanye was a living god (well, Kanye is a hard-core narcissist and believes so himself so I can imagine him implanting the same notion in his soon-to-be protege) conspired and executed a coup against the koko master`s ambition thereby nipping it in the bud;D,Banj literally worshipped Kanye thereby sacrificing his personality in the process.At a point,D`Banj didn`t utter a sentence that wasn`t heavily layered with Kanye`s name.

Ok,enough of that,let`s progress to the critiquing bit. Continue reading “winners and loser weeks 37…Emma Nayra,Tiwa Savage,Davido,Nikki Minaj,Peter of Psquare,Tontoh Dike et al” »

posted by on Interesting People

51 comments

I wonder what my house-help says about me whenever she knocks off duty. I bet she says her employer is wacko. I guess you are wondering why she would say that. Well, for some reason anytime NEPA/PHCN or whatever they are called these days restores power, I just can`t restrain myself from shouting “yaaaaaaaaaa” and it really scares her.
Yes, I’m that excited because the noise of the generator does my head in. At Guantamo bay prison, noise and sleep deprivation are essential parts of torture techniques employed by the Americans so you can imagine my mental state whenever the generator comes on. I have been here for too long; time to bid goodbye before I flip. Lollll.

Every single one of us who resides in this country today is suffering, in my honest opinion, as a result of noise pollution, insecurity et al. Of course some would go up in arms now proclaiming that they aren`t suffering, but a jobless individual in the UK experiences a better quality of living than a bank executive here because he doesn`t have to barricade himself in his house with a fence as high as that of Alcatraz prison.
You guys need to see the height of the fence surrounding my house, Ikoyi prison fence has nothing on it. Wetin man go do nah? I spent more on the fence than on the house! Hahahaha! Anyway, fence or no fence, one is still on a very longggggg thing because if ‘they’ are desperate to get in, they will get in, period.

You guys are like brothers and sisters to me so I`m gonna tell you the secret about why I’m still hanging around in Nigeria: I’m hustling to sell my house and zoom off. Originally, my intention was to have a home where I could return with my daughter during vacations so she’d have the opportunity to bond with her cousins, and country as well, but with the benefit of hindsight I should never have invested my money in this property. Staying in Nigeria more than a few weeks at a time  isn’t working for me and I can’t deny that any longer. I can be of more use to the country from my base in London. I have never seen any environment that stifles creativity like this one and I am a creative person. For me the arts come first and always have, so any environment that does not provide an enabling situation for me to create isn`t for me, to be honest.

We will begin to run a campaign promoting our online store shortly and with the online store in place my presence is not needed for my business to stay afloat. Nigeria is going online like the rest of the world so that is good news for me. This isn`t the life I envisioned for myself; there is money to be made if one`s aim is to make money but in as much as I want money, I want other things which Nigeria can`t offer me, as well.
I want peace, I want a government that doesn`t rob me blind, I want a city where people don`t endanger my life by driving on the wrong side of the road aka one-way. I want a country where I reserve the right to complain without being labelled a hater; I want a country where what you put in is what you get out, I want a country where the so-called creative people actually create and inspire others to create. I want a country where the fashion industry isn`t elitist, I want a country where people do not get intimidated simply for expressing themselves, I want a country where designers understand that the arts come first. I want soooo much that Nigeria cannot offer me because UNFORTUNATELY Nigeria no send me at all. Onye ajụlụ ajụ adi ajụ onwe ya. Lollll (one that is rejected does not reject himself). So as Nigeria no send me, perhaps it might be wise to sod off to a country that cares about my skinny behind.*sad face*

All I need to be inspired in London is simply to take the tube from point A to B and there will be loads of inspirations awaiting, but in Nigeria…. Designers come in different forms so I can understand if other designers feel inspired within the Nigerian setting but I doubt it very much.

Anyway, I`m sorry if I have bored you guys with my moaning. Now, let’s get to the fun bit of this article

_MG_2634

Continue reading “Losers and winners week 36….PHCN,Kycee Nwa mama,Camila Alves,Idris Elba,Amber Rose,Emma Nayra,Tontoh Dikey et al” »