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I wonder what my house-help says about me whenever she knocks off duty. I bet she says her employer is wacko. I guess you are wondering why she would say that. Well, for some reason anytime NEPA/PHCN or whatever they are called these days restores power, I just can`t restrain myself from shouting “yaaaaaaaaaa” and it really scares her.
Yes, I’m that excited because the noise of the generator does my head in. At Guantamo bay prison, noise and sleep deprivation are essential parts of torture techniques employed by the Americans so you can imagine my mental state whenever the generator comes on. I have been here for too long; time to bid goodbye before I flip. Lollll.

Every single one of us who resides in this country today is suffering, in my honest opinion, as a result of noise pollution, insecurity et al. Of course some would go up in arms now proclaiming that they aren`t suffering, but a jobless individual in the UK experiences a better quality of living than a bank executive here because he doesn`t have to barricade himself in his house with a fence as high as that of Alcatraz prison.
You guys need to see the height of the fence surrounding my house, Ikoyi prison fence has nothing on it. Wetin man go do nah? I spent more on the fence than on the house! Hahahaha! Anyway, fence or no fence, one is still on a very longggggg thing because if ‘they’ are desperate to get in, they will get in, period.

You guys are like brothers and sisters to me so I`m gonna tell you the secret about why I’m still hanging around in Nigeria: I’m hustling to sell my house and zoom off. Originally, my intention was to have a home where I could return with my daughter during vacations so she’d have the opportunity to bond with her cousins, and country as well, but with the benefit of hindsight I should never have invested my money in this property. Staying in Nigeria more than a few weeks at a time  isn’t working for me and I can’t deny that any longer. I can be of more use to the country from my base in London. I have never seen any environment that stifles creativity like this one and I am a creative person. For me the arts come first and always have, so any environment that does not provide an enabling situation for me to create isn`t for me, to be honest.

We will begin to run a campaign promoting our online store shortly and with the online store in place my presence is not needed for my business to stay afloat. Nigeria is going online like the rest of the world so that is good news for me. This isn`t the life I envisioned for myself; there is money to be made if one`s aim is to make money but in as much as I want money, I want other things which Nigeria can`t offer me, as well.
I want peace, I want a government that doesn`t rob me blind, I want a city where people don`t endanger my life by driving on the wrong side of the road aka one-way. I want a country where I reserve the right to complain without being labelled a hater; I want a country where what you put in is what you get out, I want a country where the so-called creative people actually create and inspire others to create. I want a country where the fashion industry isn`t elitist, I want a country where people do not get intimidated simply for expressing themselves, I want a country where designers understand that the arts come first. I want soooo much that Nigeria cannot offer me because UNFORTUNATELY Nigeria no send me at all. Onye ajụlụ ajụ adi ajụ onwe ya. Lollll (one that is rejected does not reject himself). So as Nigeria no send me, perhaps it might be wise to sod off to a country that cares about my skinny behind.*sad face*

All I need to be inspired in London is simply to take the tube from point A to B and there will be loads of inspirations awaiting, but in Nigeria…. Designers come in different forms so I can understand if other designers feel inspired within the Nigerian setting but I doubt it very much.

Anyway, I`m sorry if I have bored you guys with my moaning. Now, let’s get to the fun bit of this article

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Continue reading “Losers and winners week 36….PHCN,Kycee Nwa mama,Camila Alves,Idris Elba,Amber Rose,Emma Nayra,Tontoh Dikey et al” »

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Displaying ice.jpg

I love Nigeria and one of the things that I love about Nigeria is how quick we are to catch up with international trends even though sometimes it’s cute and sometimes it’s downright silly. I remember being invited to a Halloween party last year here in portharcourt and my first response was “Halloween? In Nigeria?” maybe I had been living under a rock but I was genuinely surprised. Anyways I did attend partly because I love me a good party and mostly because since I am obsessed with vampires it was a perfect opportunity to wear a vampire costume in public (something I had wanted to do since I saw Dracula as a kid). So yes I did attend and yes I had a blast. Continue reading “Trend Followers by Fabulous Guy” »

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This is a topic most people like to avoid but I’m honestly just penning down my opinion. Feel free to drop yours.

In the past few days, my Twitter timeline has been buzzing with this topic and it got me thinking hard

I’m a 21yr old woman, fresh out of school, with plans I hope to achieve as mapped out, God willing. I’m about to round up my NYSC, looking forward to my Masters and getting a great job. I haven’t entirely had it all figured out yet, but a baby is definitely not in the picture, at least not for another 3-4yrs at least. So I ask myself what I would do if I got the news that I was going to have a baby.

Everyone refers to babies as bundles of joy. Would I be joyful? I most definitely would not. The worst part is that I would be faced with choosing one of the two dreaded options: To keep the child or to abort the child. Continue reading “Pro life versus pro choice by Ivuoma……A must read!” »

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Lack of passion, talent and conscience are the bane of the Nigerian creative industry and the main cause of the mediocrity witnessed in the industry. In my perception, ‘PASSION’ and ‘TALENT’ are the ultimate non-negotiable factors to be considered when one  is considering making a foray into the creative industry (fashion, music, radio, movie, photography, styling, make, up et al). However in the case of my homeland, Nigeria, what should have been the first thing to be put into consideration becomes the last and most times it doesn`t even come into the equation at all, hence we are where we are today and still regressing.

What amazes me is the extent to which the Nigerian people have been intimidated into accepting and glorifying mediocrity. The daily flaunting of cars, designer items, glittery houses, et al, are practically the only inspiration to new comers into the creative industry as opposed to carving a niche for themselves. Often, some of these items being flaunted don’t even hold value worth mentioning. Whether these items hold any estimable value or not should never delete the fact that if one is rubbish in a certain field then one is rubbish in that field, period. If you are a self-acclaimed singer that can`t carry a tune in a bushel basket, then that is still what you will be in the minds of savvy folks regardless of how much dosh you spend in Dubai, on cars, homes, designer items (fake or authentic, et al, hence you deserve no iota of respect from folks.

The major problem in Nigeria is that, essentially people don`t realise to what extent the creative industry has regressed. To some there is progress being made but I see it differently. Listen to Sunny Ade, Oriental Brothers, Victor Uwaifo, Ebenezar Obey, Sir Victor Olaiya and compare them to most of the present day artists and then we will chat again. Personally, I feel so fortunate to have congregated, worked and networked with passionate and talented folks in Europe , America and those are experiences I would never give up for all the tea in China or all the oil in Niger Delta. All I learnt from these interactions are so deeply entrenched in my being that no living person can extricate them and implant rubbish.

And oh if you are not following @EMMYCOLLINSLONDON on instagram,you are on a long thing .Welcome us as we just got out from under the rock and signed on finally,phewwwww.

Tiwa Savage

Okay, if you are one Tiwa`s fans who reckons I don`t usually cut her some slack, well, this might gladden your heart so I suggest you read as Tiwa has made it to the winners list based her musical work,yaaaaaay.

Now, here is the story, whilst heading to my living room from the kitchen where I had gone to get a cup of my fav mint tea (yes, I live on mint especially fresh mint but I can`t find fresh mint tea in Nigeria yet so I depend on tea bags) I overheard a tune playing on TV and thought I liked it and then I heard a female voice that sounded somehow familiar and behold it was Tiwa! I froze right in front of the sofa thinking that I might miss a trick if I proceeded to sit down.

The tune was fresh and Tiwa showcased the best of Tiwa in that video unlike the wanted video ọna abọhe si ike. Yes, the make-up was a bit dodgy but like I always say, you can literally get away with murder as long as you exhibit quality. I discussed with a friend who gave the credit to Pato Ranking`s influence but I thought that was unfair to Tiwa because she was the one belting out the tune and not Pato singing through her. Yes, working with talented folks has positive influence, but at the end of the day, there are still people who refuse to be influenced positively, regardless. Tiwa deserves respect and thumbs up on this one.

I hope this wasn`t a fluke, as I will appreciate the opportunity to say something nice about Tiwa more often; it gives me joy.

I need more of this Tiwa, Nigeria needs more of this and especially your fans who cough out hard earned dosh that maintains your lifestyle need this like blood running through their akwala aka veins! I nugo, nne? Continue reading “Winners and loser week 35…Eku Edewor,Pato Ranking,Fade Ogunro,Stella “HAIR” Damasus et al” »

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Today I will be writing about something I know very little about; for the first time I will be writing about love, but allow me to first tell you a story. I have this friend whom for the sake of this article I shall simply refer to as Yinka. He had a girlfriend whom he has been dating since university; it was a Romeo and Juliet-ish relationship which often made a lot of us jealous. They were having a very smooth sail, cruising to the altar until something happened that redefined their relationship. Another girl came into the picture (from heaven knows where) and before you can say ‘Fabulous guy’ the new girl was preggo (as people of my generation would say) and all hell broke loose. It became very ugly and messy; it even affected my view of love as I always saw them as the real deal. However after all the noise died down, the long suffering girlfriend (shall we call her patience) stuck with Yinka and they moved full speed ahead. Continue reading “Fighting for LOVE …..written by Fabulous Guy” »

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For the sake of fairness, I consider it quite imperative to make what I deem to be indubitable assertions before proceeding with the original topic that necessitated this article about the knack to slaughter African Americans by white cops in America with no repercussions accruing to the culprits.

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With Attendees of the Free fashion workshop which is an initiative of mine which aims to mentoring the upcoming designers.

The subsequent paragraphs to this one will most likely not present America in a good light hence the need to state that regardless of the contents of this article; America still remains the country that has offered most to humanity.This is the country that gave us the Wright brothers,Twitter/Facebook( gosh, how did we all survive previously without social media? I can imagine people enduring withdrawal syndromes if barred from social media), Michael Jackson, first black President in the Western hemisphere, Einstein, Elvis(I`m not an Elvis fan but he is still legendry nonetheless), et al. In the same breath, it is also fair to mention that there is no country in the west where a black man is more likely to be gunned down in cold blood than in America.That is the paradox called America.

EMMY-COLLINS[1]

Campaign against domestic violence against women Continue reading “If they had gunned Emmy down….What picture would they have used #MichaelBrown by Emmy” »

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Did you guys hear the one about the 23year old prophet who arranges meetings in hotels and then rapes women thereafter?Before I say what I`m about to say, I must post this disclaimer and here it goes; No woman should ever be raped regardless. Having said that, I will question the sanity of a woman who ventures into a hotel room to meet a 23year old with testosterone the size of New York for prayer meeting.Prayer ko,ekpere ni! Why some folks behave like “aturu ocha” once you mention God beats me.Did the bible ever say get rid of your senses once any stranger mentions God?

Last week a reader posed a question.In it he wanted to know the usual atmosphere whenever I bump into individuals we have critiqued on this platform.Well,let me avail myself of this opportunity to address that.For starters, most of them are either acquaintances or friends but when I decided to launch this platform I knew I didn`t stand any iota of chance in achieving anything if I let sentiments sip into it.With regards to their reactions,it usually depends but here are the recurrent and most common.

■Some literally duck under tables.

■some blank me out or at least they pretend to because I know they watch every move I make (I love this group because they are unaware that I wrote the book on how to blank folks out)

■some are simply confused and unable to decipher the appropriate way to relate to me

■Some are still genuinely glad to see me and understand that someone has to look them in their faces and tell them the hard truth (this group take corrections and make amends e.g. Waje)

■Some tell me straight to my face albeit jokingly not to write anything about them and I always place my right hand on my chest while promising them that I wouldn’t but of course those are always lies from my part.After encountering members of this group I usually hot-foot it to the mirror to ensure my nose hasn’t grown a few inches as that tends to happen when folks tell fibs.The irony here is that while someone is badgering me not to comment on his or her outfits,it offers me the opportunity to have a closer look at their ensembles so ladies quit;there is no dividend in doing that.

Having said that, I must be honest and affirm that I don`t enjoy the fact that these ladies suffer untold trepidations whenever I`m in their midst as that isn`t the original intention and should never be.Whilst talking to an interviewer once, she asked “Do you know that people reckon that the fear of Emmy is the beginning of wisdom”?I was really shocked and saddened to hear that because as I have mentioned earlier my intention isn`t to cause harm but I’d rather have that than say nothing when things are going wrong.Evil persists only when good people say nothing.Imagine what would have happened if I hadn`t said anything about that horrible ass,boobs,back,legs et al which were showcased in the dress Toni Tones wore a while ago;it would have become the fad!  I wish I could change my stance but the only possible way to make that happen will ultimately be to maintain the “see no evil hear no evil” attitude but that isn`t my modus operandi.I love and believe in the potentials we have in this country so much that I can afford to sacrifice any individual`s friendship just to retain the right to air my opinion.

I can`t remember the last time anyone ever paid my bills.Things are going horribly wrong in Nigeria and someone needs bite the bullet and deal with it and if that person has to be me then so be it.If my detractors will be honest to themselves for just a New York minute they will testify that this platform has actually improved the quality of their work,style and their mind-set in general.Personally,I have been schooled on a few things regarding how to deal with disgruntled readers as well.I`m always calm these days when reacting to their comments as I`m aware that I`m dealing with a chap/lass whom I have pissed off by my comments regardless of how truthful .As a result, he/she is simply pulling all stops to pay me back in the same coins and hence I try not to go mano a mano with them as I believe they will simmer down later.

This just randomly crept into my mind so I just feel the urgent need to mention it.Fashion community is not a congregation of the elites but of the creatives.The elites are usually a very negligible part of this community, however in Nigeria it is the other way round. Anyone remotely knowledgeable about fashion would attest to the fact that it took years for Stella McCartney to be accepted in the fashion industry as she was originally perceived as an intruder. Even when she was a one half of the duo of Creative Directors at Chloe with Philo Phoebe,the word out on the street was that Philo Phoebe was the one doing all the work. Now, I’m not by any means insinuating that all elites aren’t talented but what I`m just not happy about is that fashion has suddenly become elitist and folks whose background have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with fashion are the ones that have firmly imposed themselves on the steering wheel. Does anyone wonder why we are sliding backward instead of moving forward? No,we aren’t moving forward not even by a long shot. Until we have structures in place and deal with the negative mind-sets people have when entering into fashion, we can`t truly be said to be progressing forward; we are indeed retrogressing but hey that is just my opinion. If you ask me I will say that the creative juice flows more in the disadvantaged neighbourhoods such as Ejigbo,Ikotun Egbe,Ajegunle et al than it flows in the streets of VI,Lekki and Victoria Island. Ok,you got me right there, all the aforementioned neighbourhoods with no exception are all disadvantaged as well except that the latter happens to be the most expensive ghettos on earth, Mars,Jupiter and Pluto combined where a plot of land located in an unmotorable street with sewage water spilling furiously on the road will set you back about a million USD or above. Unconfirmed rumours have it  that a few eagle-eyed residents in some of these areas especially Lekki have already armed themselves with small boats to navigate in and out of their homes when it rains as the drainage system is either not adequate or non- existent. Again, this gist about boats is yet to be confirmed; No go talk say na Emmy talk am o.

In summation, I must opine that we have to put structures in place to attract talents to the industry not that I`m holding my breath for this to happen anytime soon.

Well,it is another week of fashion critiquing so let’s go!

Munachi Abii

Muna Continue reading “Winners and losers week 34…Omoni Oboli,Kycee,Idris Elba,Thisday Style,Annie Idibia,Venetia Okpofure et al” »

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africa

 

I work with a lot of expatriates and I have observed firsthand, Nigeria’s glorification of white skin and our adoration of all things foreign. Now I don’t mean white skin like Dencia and her fellow co-travelers of bleachers inc, I mean white skin as in Caucasian skin, it often makes me laugh when I have to interface with certain government agencies and secretaries ensure that you do not have access to the official in charge. However return the same day with an expatriate with blue eyes and blonde hair, and the same secretary will nearly stumble on her heels as she tries to usher you into the same office which previously seemed like the CBN vault. I have a theory that this sort of behavior stems from some sort of collective inferiority complex or it’s a remnant of colonization. I have come to realize that white skin complete with the accent (not Toke Makinwa’s YouTube acquired Bri-Merican accent) does open doors in these parts and I will explain further. Continue reading “My Africa by Fabulous Guy” »

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I constantly hear that Lagos is a “happening” city but the more I hear that,the more confused I get. People go up in arms whenever I say this but I`m gonna go out on a limb and reiterate it anyway. I never get deterred from expressing my opinion regardless of how out of tune it might seem with the general opinion.If there is anything I`m rubbish at, it is hoping on the bandwagon with no questions asked. Ndi Igbo sin a adi amu aka ekpe na nka, so it is a tad too late for me to learn how to synchronise my opinion with the prevalent one.On that note, I dare to affirm that Lagos is perhaps one of the most boring cities I have visited and of course what makes a city boring are the people and settings, hence I must add that people in Lagos are boring as well. Of course wherever you see bad you must see good and as such, I hereby state categorically that I have met VERY fun people in Lagos as well.I hope this deals with any misconceptions or misunderstandings that might arise here.No,not everyone in Lagos is boring but then boring means different thing to different folks; different strokes for different folks. Continue reading “Boring,boring,boring Lagos.” »

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I feel sort of bored today so I`m gonna look for someone`s wahala; A certain lady with sewage mouth.I guess it won`t be quite a task to decipher who I am referring to as you progress with this post.

Last week,I commented on Jim Iyke’s thoughtless “Ebola picture” but I must give him credit for recognising the mistake he made in tweeting that image.For starters, it offered wrong info about Ebola by depicting it to be an airborne disease which clearly isn`t the case.Well,it takes a real man to apologise so to Jim I say “I duff my hat bruv”.

Since, I`m on the Ebola issue,I might as well delve into it a bit further.While America and other countries might be busy brainstorming on how to come up with vaccine to combat this virus, all I hear from Africans is prayer,prayer and prayer! The Liberian government recently declared three day holidays for prayers.PRAYERS? As far as I`m concerned, these are three days that could have been used to bang heads together and come up with a solution.I think it is utterly safe to assume that God isn`t about to send Jesus Christ to earth any time soon to sort this one out for us;he created us with brains and so he expects us to use them to unravel the mystery presented by this virus .Who inculcated this humongous level of laziness in us?I hear people say stuff like “America has already discovered the vaccine but are too mean to make it available to Africans”? Well, what if the amount they have at the moment isn`t enough to be distributed worldwide?If that is the case,then my money will be on them earmarking whatever quantity they have presently, for usage on their citizens rather than distributing it to Africa.We would do the same or would we?With the sort of government Africa is bedevilled with, I wouldn`t trust them to be smart enough to do same.

Do we have scientists in this country?If we do what have they innovated yet?In a country where innovation is the last thing in the mind of a designer,musician,actor,stylist,blogger et al,it is by no means inconceivable that scientists in such a country might retain the notion that inventing cure for Ebola isn`t in their job description.

Ok,now,let`s do a bit of critiquing!

Continue reading “Winners and loosers week 33..Dencia,Laura Ikeji,Tiwa Savage,Toyin Lawani,Chika Ike,Banky W et al” »